The Adventures of Bella and Kristen

Hello all! This is Bella. The crazy border collie who made me cry more than laugh my last semester of college. (5 month old border collie does not belong in an apartment!) We found her at a Spurs game and I had no idea what I was getting into. Needless to say, I love her and we are now in agility classes. (she moved up to the next level! yeaaaah I'm a proud mama!) Maybe this makes me crazy...but I'm okay with that.

Bella and Stevo before class

Bella's main reason for existence. I hoped this day would never come. She discovered goats and there was no going back. We had to drag her way. Not only did she have crazy eyes, but she also weedled her way out of her collar and ran back to the goats. 

I knew this would happen. 

My personal favorite. 

Hells Bells!

Meet Gracy. Half Border collie/half CHIHUAHUA

I can't get enough of this dog. The mix is insane!

Vita BELLA

Animal whisperer

Lovin' Life

Me=emo. Marmalade=get me the hell out of here. Bella=I'm ready for my close up.

Arsty. Please notice the chip in Marmalade's ear. That's from many years of battle. BAD A.

I call this: Cat walking Dog

Baddest Cat on the block

 I spy...

Bella begs for treats from the other owners. So proud. 

So maybe this was more a photo shoot than actual adventures? 

p.s. I'm 30 years junior of most of the people in my class. LOVE IT.

Sincerely,

I LOVE HALLOWEEN!!! Except for the whole scary movie part….errr

I get to dress up and eat candy? How could it get any better?

Except for the fact that I loathe scary movies. I joke about how Hocus Pocus scared the bejeezes out of me in 2^nd grade, but really it scarred me for life. I once hid in another room at a sleepover, while everyone else watched Hocus Pocus. I mean Bett Midler and Sarah Jessica Parker were SCARY. They sucked up little children’s souls!  And I was not going to stick around and witness that catastrophe. Nor was I going to be one of their victims. Now that I think about it, I have never dressed up as anything scary for Halloween. (Unless you count the time I was Betty Boop my sophomore year of college. YUP. I looked like a tranny.) My sister, Lauren, always took over the scary part. Here is the evidence…

                                                                                                        ^-----Me=cute as a button

               Lauren(middle)=Scaring adults one house at a time

It may be a little early for Halloween, but my love of costumes is too great. This year I'll be in Austin for Halloween! Hollaaaa! Now the questions is do I dress up as the corpse's bride or shimmy into a sailor girl costume? Or maybe...Just maybe I'll be an avatar. Please go to www.partycity.com for your entertainment. 

Sincerely,

The Thriller (you can't NOT dance to that song. I also wish MJ had stopped plastic surgery at this point. Annnd another side-note I saw this music video at my babysitter when I was a wee one (didn't know what it was at the time) and was terrified by the part where he turns into the werewolf. Hey...It could happen.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQ_ExkfcBao

 If this is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

My drama queen past...

My Drama queen past…

These are a few or my child hood stories that just show how ridiculous I was. After reading Anne Frank, I wanted to become a diary writing protégée. I knew that my life growing up in rural Iowa (on a golf course, with a loving family, American girls abundant, and a golden retriever to top it off) wasn’t enough to document my life…I had to create some drama…Let’s take a trip back to the 90’s. When rat-tails were cool (you know you wanted one) and it was uhhh okay to wear socks with Birkenstocks uhhh yeah.

yum.

Haha my sister will kill me for putting up this picture. She is the red head behind me.

She turned out beautiful so here is my apology...

ow ow!

VAVOOM

Ok here weeeeee goooooo...

Mom you promised!

I went through a phase were I believed that both of my parents were alcoholics. If my dad had two beers at dinner, I would beg with him to give up the drink (or the “sauce” as my jersey friends call it). My mother occasionally liked to have a glass of wine at night, and I just knew this was one step closer to my life spiraling into the chaos of drugs, strippers, and vodka. One evening after work, my mother took me to the grocery store and when she was going to grab her white zinfandel I started to make the scene of all scenes. “MOM, YOU PROMISED. MOM YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN’T” Crying and pleading with her to put her wine back on the shelf. People were starting to look at my defeated mother, and she did the best she could do with the situation. “Shhhh be quiet” and gracefully grabbed her zinfandel, shoved it in the cart, and walked as fast as she could out of that section. I was 7 years old.

Loyalty>than cool toys

My best friend, Amanda, had just spent the night at my house, and I believe we were climbing the tree in my front yard (this how you obviously always end a slumber party). Jenna, the girl who lived next door, came over, turned to Amanda and said, “hey Amanda, want to come over and play at my house?” I remember thinking there is no way Amanda would leave me! We were best friends. Jenna was just making a fool of herself by trying to steal my best friend! And then Amanda went with her! I was enraged! How could she do this to me? After all we had been through! So I did the logical thing that any 3^rd grader would do. I went and grabbed Amanda’s sleeping bag and clothes and threw them outside my door like a couple going through a divorce. My mother tried to bring the stuff back in the house, but when she wasn’t looking I would throw the stuff out again, and again, and again. Amanda to this day says Jenna had the cool toys. And who could resist cool toys? Luckily, we mended our sordid relationship and after some therapy sessions and margaritas. We are still friends today and going on our 20^th anniversary! But seriously, don’t mess with this blond headed jasmine or your under drawers might end up on the front lawn.

Jasmin day and night wear. So chic!

Still best buds

Barbie Love Triangle

First off I just want to say that I have been watching Days of our Lives since I was five. So while your Barbies were probably going to the mall and then a day at the beach, mine were involved in stolen identities, sizzling love triangles, and attempted murders. There was no need for paternity tests because Aladdin was the ONLY male Barbie we had and dated 99% of the Barbie population. (He broke up with Jasmine when I realized how big her eyes were compared to the other Barbies and was so freaked out by their size that I threw her into the depths of my closet)

Seriously, not normal.

My dear little diary…

Of course if I wanted to be an Anne Frank protégée, I had to chronicle the hard times I had endured. These are actual quotes from my diary. My roommates and I used to bust my old diaries out because they were so ridiculous. Hope you enjoy these little gems just as much as we did/do.

1.     “I’m 9 years old now and life is hard...” (Hint: URL of my blog. I’d like to think this was very insightful of me. You know what? I’m 24 years old now and life is STILL hard.)

2.     “Today I got my hair stuck in a tire swing and boy did it hurt.” (Note to self-NEVER stand on a tire swing with your hair flying around. My dad had to run back to the house to cut my tangled hair, and I had a bald spot for a good 3 months.)

3.     “My dad has to leave today. You want to know why? Because he has to.”(This is one of my favorites because he was leaving for a business trip…yup I’m real bright.)

4.     “My mom hit me and I couldn’t breathe for 15 minutes.” (If you’re wondering if I went into a coma due to the lack of oxygen then you are RIGHT. Orrrrrr I just felt sorry for myself for about 5 minutes as I wrote in my diary and then went on to find new ways to get back at my sister)

And that's all!
Later!

Because I can?

Agility Classes-Not just for dogs.

Bella and I looking fly

Bella usually doesn't have crazy eyes and her tongue hanging out...ha who am I kidding?

I'm actually supposed to be writing a paper riiiiiiiiiight now, but decided I had to comment on the agility class I just went to with my crazy border collie, Bella. That's right! Agility class! I used to joke about taking these classes and now I'm an agility enthusiast. Border collies are the Einsteins of the dog world, and I felt bad that I wasn't nurturing her mental genius. She breezed through her first obedience class so I figured why not?(except for that time she pooped on the floor in the middle of Petsmart as I was trying to get her to a grassy area while she was running in a squat. TMI?)  I was actually surprised at the different varieties of dogs that were there. I mean it ranged from Chihuahuas to German Shepphards. Luckily, Bella and I were put on the "big" dog side. I'm not a huge fan of little dogs, and I'm pretty sure Bella thought they were cats. (She even tried to chase one haha! That's my girl!)

This is how awesome Bella looked on her VERY FIRST class...

HA-I wish!

More like she ran around the whole agility field after escaping my grasp after tunneling. (agility vocabulary-obvi) But I still have hope for my little genius to become a pro. Who knows maybe I'll invest in an old lady suit and become a real agility competitor.
The best part is we all know each other by our dogs names. I have no idea what the names are of the other people in my class, but I do know Gus, Shay, Layla, and Chuy. (Obviously He's going to be Bella's BFF because of my love of Chelsea Lately)

Peace. Love. Agility.

-Just call me Bella

THE REAL DEAL

Vita Bella!

Who needs a husband when you have a skiing squirrel?

I know the skiing squirrel is old news, but I love this woman's enthusiasm for these furry little critters. I can only hope that one day-I can too train squirrels to ski. Please notice when she says she trains her husband the same way she trains her squirrels. (I can just see the squirrel now, sitting on the couch with a mini beer watching football yelling for more acorns ha ha. Okay that was lame!) My favorite part is when it's in the Santa suit. A squirrel skiing in a santa suit? Now THAT's crazy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37kQaVDVWL8&feature=player_embedded

If you have any suggestions for what you would dress a skiing squirrel in let me know!
I'm thinking a Lady gaga costume would be insane.

Sincerely,

"Ma ma ma ma my...My poker face"

Just because I love this guy.

A day in the life of a Jersey gurl

Hello ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to my blog. I hope it makes you laugh, cry, cry some more, and then laugh. For the longest time I couldn’t decide that if I did indeed have a blog what the theme should be. Comedy? Drama? Romance? Suspense? Noir? I was overwhelmed by the possibilities! So I’ve decided to just let it be. No pressure. Que sera sera right?

I would like to dedicate this blog to my dear friends Amy Schmidt, Rebecca Dalton, and Ashley Edwards. They are the ones that encouraged me to do it and may be the only ones reading it! For some reason they think I’m funny and probably crazy. But what’s life with out craziness and laughter?

FIRST ENTRY EVER!

DJ Pauly D. Gym, tan, Love???

I dreamt last night that I was in love with DJ Pauly D.  Maybe I should blame this on my new love of spray tans. I spent all summer practicing my jersey accent and would like to believe I could fit on any jersey television show flawlessly. I love them all! Jersey shores, Jerseylicious, and OF COURSE housewives of New Jersey. I don’t know why my fascination with these shows even exists. Maybe I’m jealous of their tans? Wish I could speak my mind at a drop of a hat? Call everyone I know a bitch to his or her faces? My parents support my love of jersey and my comedic calling to the famed accent. You know you have a great relationship when before you go to bed you can say “love you bitches” and all your parents do is laugh. It’s true. I do that sometimes…maybe we’re dysfunctional but then that just puts me one-step closer to being a REAL jersey gurl.

Peace out homeslices! May we meet again…